God

Here I am, in my second semester at Evangel University--and I've come to a standstill. Midterms are nearly over, Orchestra tour is in just a few days, and I'm stressing about life. I have no reason to be stressing though, honestly. My midterms were all spread out, and they weren't very difficult. Praise God!

But, I just can't see where I'm going...Paul says to push on toward the goal, but I feel like I've got so much resistance that now the goal is unknown. I just feel like with everything, from grades to relationships, that if I try, I fail. If I'm going to get the same outcome by not putting effort into it, why would I waste my time trying? I've been thinking like this for a while...and haven't gotten anywhere. Now I'm beginning to see that having a monotonous mindset for weeks on end can be very detrimental to my emotional and Spiritual state of being.

I went to Hope on Sunday--at first with a rather bitter heart, because I wanted to be playing in the orchestra at Central. But now I see that God wanted me at Hope. The pastor gave an example how parents feel extremely special or flattered when you go to them for answers//advice. It makes them feel needed, important, wise; it's a sign of respect. God is our father, and He feels the same way. He is a jealous God, and when we go to other people first, He gets hurt.

Since Sunday I've really been trying to grow much closer to God. I'm still not doing too well...In fact, I should probably be reading my Bible right now...regardless, I've really just kind of done some catching up with God. I didn't fully brush Him off to the side, but in a way I did. I'd go to other people to find joy and strength. I put my hope in things and trusted they would help me get through. I had to take a moment and realize that God is so powerful, so awesome, and that he really is the embodiment of anything and everything I could possibly need.

The pastor from Hope gave us these other (I think Greek? not sure...) names for God that are used throughout the Bible. It really is a beautiful thing to know that God is peace. He is my peace. God is there. He is there for me. God is a friend. He is my friend.

Jehovah Shalom: Our peace, rest, contenment

Jehovah Zidkenu: Our perfection, righteousness

Jehovah M'keddedh: Our purifier, sanctifier

Jehovah Shema: One who's there

Jehovah Rophe: Our healer

Jehovah Yira/Jireh: One who sees and provides

Jehovah Nissi: Our banner, Captain

Jehovah Rohi: Our companion, shepherd, friend

Yeshua: Jesus, salvation

Remember me?

So it's been a while since I've written. Actually, I've written most everyday, I just didn't like what I wrote, so maybe I'll like this one? Or will I...?

I was looking through pictures of me growing up and boy do I miss those days. Not that college isn't fun, because it absolutely is, but I remember all my dreams and aspirations. Now, however, a lot of those dreams have faded. I keep trying to reignite the flame that drove those passions....but it's just gone. Failure doesn't help either. Neither does failure, after failure, after failure...it seems like what I want to do just isn't doable.

Colbie Caillat, Brooke Fraser, Taylor Swift...great song writers and musicians (for the most part...), and I know they started with a vision. They started like a normal person--like a Dodi; an average Dodi. I want, so very badly, to be a singer/songwriter. A couple problems--I can't play piano or guitar, I don't have "the look," and I just don't have "it."

So now what? I've realized I'm not cut out for what I want. I love to play the flute, with all my heart I do, so if that's what God wants me to do for the rest of my life, so be it. I just wish I knew exactly what I am supposed to be doing now to prepare me for what I'm going to be doing for the rest of my life.

I love being behind the scenes. As much as I'd like to be on stage, I'm just as content with being in the pit. I love puppetry--that's behind the stage. Even songwriting--I could just write songs for gifted and talented musicians. There's endless possibilities...

Well, time to go to choir...now that I lack complete confidence in my voice I hope I don't do too terribly on Herbert Howell's requiem...good thing the other Dody has all the solos.

Valentine's Day

So, Another Valentine's Day approaches, another year my parents get to be my Valentine :)

Honestly though, I was thinking the other day, that I'm really not dreading Valentine's Day. It really just gives me something to look froward to. God has such great plans for me, and I need to trust in Him! One day, maybe next year, maybe in ten years, but one day I will have a Valentine, and we will love each other, and I know he will be worth the wait. Until then, it's great knowing I have a God who loves me.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

1 Corinthians 13

Here we go!

This is my blog! Yeah! Wooo! I guess I really just created this blog because I got tired I writing pointless facebook notes or myspace bulletins that nobody reads...not that anyone will read this blog, but you never know. It only takes a spark to start a fire...so maybe one person will read one thing I wrote, and even though it may not have meant much at the time it could mean so much more at some other point! YEAH!

Well, I'm just so excited to actually be doing this blog thing. This is probably the 10th time I've written something out, so now I'm actually gonna publish something this time....maybe. I guess in this first post I could explain the meaning behind the URL and the blog title. Yes, I shall. Here we go! ¡Vamanos!

The URL is www.christianmusician247.blogspot.com. I have an ever growing love of God in me and I absolutely love to praise Him. Whether with words in song, or notes on the flute or bassoon, I will glorify His name 24/7. I'm not perfect, but I pray that He will use me to further His kingdom.

As for the title, well, if you've known me for even a week you've probably heard me say, "Story of my life." It has somewhat of a negative connotation to it, and many of you have tried to get me to stop saying it, but really in saying "Story of my life" I don't mean anything bad, I just mean that in life stuff happens, and sometimes you've just gotta laugh at it. In this blog, I'll share with you the reader, whoever you are (if you are...), the Story of My Life: the story of a God-fearing, Duggar-loving, clutter-embracing, full-time student who tries to live each day to it's fullest.

I love you all, but God loves you more!