God

Here I am, in my second semester at Evangel University--and I've come to a standstill. Midterms are nearly over, Orchestra tour is in just a few days, and I'm stressing about life. I have no reason to be stressing though, honestly. My midterms were all spread out, and they weren't very difficult. Praise God!

But, I just can't see where I'm going...Paul says to push on toward the goal, but I feel like I've got so much resistance that now the goal is unknown. I just feel like with everything, from grades to relationships, that if I try, I fail. If I'm going to get the same outcome by not putting effort into it, why would I waste my time trying? I've been thinking like this for a while...and haven't gotten anywhere. Now I'm beginning to see that having a monotonous mindset for weeks on end can be very detrimental to my emotional and Spiritual state of being.

I went to Hope on Sunday--at first with a rather bitter heart, because I wanted to be playing in the orchestra at Central. But now I see that God wanted me at Hope. The pastor gave an example how parents feel extremely special or flattered when you go to them for answers//advice. It makes them feel needed, important, wise; it's a sign of respect. God is our father, and He feels the same way. He is a jealous God, and when we go to other people first, He gets hurt.

Since Sunday I've really been trying to grow much closer to God. I'm still not doing too well...In fact, I should probably be reading my Bible right now...regardless, I've really just kind of done some catching up with God. I didn't fully brush Him off to the side, but in a way I did. I'd go to other people to find joy and strength. I put my hope in things and trusted they would help me get through. I had to take a moment and realize that God is so powerful, so awesome, and that he really is the embodiment of anything and everything I could possibly need.

The pastor from Hope gave us these other (I think Greek? not sure...) names for God that are used throughout the Bible. It really is a beautiful thing to know that God is peace. He is my peace. God is there. He is there for me. God is a friend. He is my friend.

Jehovah Shalom: Our peace, rest, contenment

Jehovah Zidkenu: Our perfection, righteousness

Jehovah M'keddedh: Our purifier, sanctifier

Jehovah Shema: One who's there

Jehovah Rophe: Our healer

Jehovah Yira/Jireh: One who sees and provides

Jehovah Nissi: Our banner, Captain

Jehovah Rohi: Our companion, shepherd, friend

Yeshua: Jesus, salvation